6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
