i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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