he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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