Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
