Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
