You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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