Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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