Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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