Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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