I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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