So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
