Duck Duck Cougar?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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