and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
3 2 1 whiskey
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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