Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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