im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
