my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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