3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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