dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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