I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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