Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
