u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
