I could have mohawked her pubes.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
