there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
