No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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