Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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