i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
