he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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