guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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