She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
