My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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