Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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