I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
