I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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