Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
