As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Terrible idea I love it
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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