She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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