What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
