I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
