His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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