i don't like sucking hair
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
