I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
