Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize