I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
