is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
