I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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