Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
