Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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