I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
