WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
