i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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