I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
