i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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