the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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