i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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