im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
