What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
