We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
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Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
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The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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