I'm jealous of your bromance
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
