i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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