Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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