please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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