You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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