last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
