I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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