he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
